I Married A Single Mom: Twice
A couple of days ago I was reading an article from a young lady’s WordPress Blog Site called (Soulfullypenned) where she had written an article about being a single Mom. It is that article that made me think of this story I am writing to you today. This article is a true one, it is one that is of actions I have done and felt in my own life. As is normal in life itself there is good bad and ugly involved in reality, so is this story. For those of you who follow the things that I write I believe that by now you know that I do not sugarcoat my own personal actions, I have messed up as much in my life as most folks and I’m sure, more that many. I know that some folks judge by their nature so I do not try to ‘play to or write to’ any group except to the people who simply wish to hear what ever the real and honest truth is.
In August of 1981 I got married to a lady who lived in Texas who was nine years older than me and who had a son who had just turned eleven. I have to say that of all of the mistakes that I have made in my life saying ‘I do’ to this lady was my biggest blunder of all. I say that because as you know when you make one mistake it is soon followed by other bad decisions most of the time. She was a single Mom who had been married four other times, her son was from marriage number three. The biological Dad lived in a town about a half hour drive away and he was sometimes a problem because he was in love with a beer bottle all of the years that I knew him. He didn’t interfere in our home very often as far as coming to our home but evidently he would call my wife while drunk sometimes when I wasn’t at home. So, he could have been worse yet in reality it would have been better if he were not at all in the picture. Trying to be a Step-Dad is difficult enough without negative issues from the biological Dad same as I am rather sure that a lot of Step-Moms would agree with. If this lady had been any kind of a decent wife or person we would have had a very good situation in our lives but to say this lady was hate-filled (hateful) is a huge understatement. Like King Solomon said several times in Proverbs “it is better for a man to live on the corner of a roof top than to live in a mansion with a hate-filled woman.” There is one thing that I am really happy about and that is that my Son who was 24 when I left her and Texas on July 1st 1994, knows that I loved him then, and that I love him now. Both of his biological parents are still alive, still living in Texas yet I know that he knows, I love him far more than those two combined. When a woman tells you that she treats you like she hates you, because she hates you, and that she only married you because she was a single Mom and needed the paycheck, it is time to say goodbye. That is, as long as the kids are grown. For those of you who are wondering about it, yes I know what the Bible says about divorce and yes, when I divorced her it was Scriptural. No, I will not say more on this issue because I have no desire to defame her any further.
In December of 1999 while I was living in Florida I married a young lady who is nine years younger than me who had one child. He was six years old and his biological Dad had committed suicide when he was four. My son is now 24 himself, his Mom and I have been married for 18 years now and it has been a very good marriage for the whole 18 years. We bought a house back in 2015 that had a fully functional 3 bedroom one bath apartment in a walkout basement where he now lives rent free, except he pays his own utilities and buys most of his own food. Do I love the boy, absolutely. Do I believe that he loves me, absolutely, yes I do. To me I feel very blessed to have a wife who I know loves me and two ‘Step’ Sons who I know loves me. I know that they both know that I am not their biological Dad but as the saying goes, and it is true, ‘we choose our family’. Even though I am a strong believer in ‘blood’ family, sometimes your blood family members simply have no use for you. So yes, I have chosen to marry a single Mom two different times, one time it worked out, the other time, not so much. But, through the Grace of G-d I was given two wonderful Sons. So, if I were younger and single and I found a woman that I really cared about who happened to have children, would that issue ‘scare me off’ from asking her to marry me, the answer is simple, NO!