Are there any funny jokes in the Bible?

(THIS ARTICLE IS COURTESY OF  THE ‘ALETEIA’ NEWS SITE)

 

Are there any funny jokes in the Bible?

ABRAHAM AND SARAH

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The Bible is surprisingly full of humorous episodes that can make one chuckle or even laugh out loud.

The book of Proverbs is full of wisdom, including this profound insight on the value of humor, “A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). While many see the Bible as a dry book of theological stories, it contains a good deal of humor in it, though not always what we would expect living in the modern world.

One of the first “jokes” God pulled was in the book of Genesis. When visiting Abraham and Sarah, God said to the elderly couple (well passed child-bearing years), “I will bless [Sarah], and moreover I will give you a son by her; I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of peoples shall come from her” (Genesis 17:16).

Abraham couldn’t keep himself contained, “Abraham fell on his face and laughed, and said to himself, ‘Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?’” (Genesis 17:17)

Sarah had a similar reaction to the news, “Sarah laughed to herself, saying, ‘After I have grown old, and my husband is old, shall I have pleasure?’” (Genesis 18:12) God caught her laughing, but “Sarah denied, saying, ‘I did not laugh’; for she was afraid. He said, ‘No, but you did laugh’” (Genesis 18:15). You can’t pull a fast one on God!

God had the “last laugh” as the name of their son became Isaac, for Sarah said, “God has made laughter for me; every one who hears will laugh over me” (Genesis 21:6). In Hebrew, Isaac means “he will laugh.”

Another humorous episode happened in the book of Numbers, when the People of Israel were complaining in the desert. They called out like a petulant child, “O that we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt for nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic, but now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at” (Numbers 11:4-6).

God responded by saying, the “Lord will give you meat, and you shall eat. You shall not eat one day, or two days, or five days, or ten days, or twenty days, but a whole month, until it comes out at your nostrils” (Numbers 11:19-20). He gave them quail that covered the earth, three feet deep! You wanted meat? Here you go!

In the book of Kings, Elijah is having a “Battle Royale” with some pagan priests and taunts them by saying, “Call louder, for he is a god; he may be busy doing his business, or may be on a journey. Perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.” (1 Kings 18:27). Some translations make “doing his business” more explicit by translating it as, “relieving himself.” This is in accord with the original Hebrew and so Elijah is taunting them by saying their god might be busy going to the bathroom!

These and other events in the Old and New Testaments reveal a lighter side to Christianity, showing that even God has a sense of humor and that “A cheerful heart is a good medicine.”

Brain Games: 12 Proverbs And Philosophy From My Old Mind: To Yours

Brain Games: 12 Proverbs And Philosophy From My Old Mind: To Yours

 

1) Here in the 21st century how many Christians still observe the day given as Christ’s Birthday, as His Birthday? Yet, it seems that so few choose to walk in His principles. So, is it easier to keep this Holiday, or His Birthday than it is to keep His Commandments? Or, in this modern age are His words of no matter because we judge ourselves by our own righteousness?

 

2) America, if we the people give up the Liberty of the Second Amendment believing that the Government will protect us in our times of peril then we will most certainly lose our freedom, our God-given rights, our Country, and our lives.

 

3) Where you have liberty and all of the basic human rights given to you by God Himself, then you have a Country worth fighting for. If you do not have these things then you do not have a Country, all you have is labor and death to leave to your children and their children.

 

4) We should all work each day as though we will grow old. Yet each night we should bow our knees and pray that we do not die on the morrow.

 

5) Does anyone really own the title to a piece of land? Remember, the Lord gives and if He wishes, the Lord has every right to take away. All things belong to the Lord for they were His before us and they will be His after even the thought of us is gone. Yet no free people can tolerate a Government that puts themselves upon God’s Throne. Governments do not give freedom to the people. It is the people who allow the Government to exist, not the other way around!

 

6) A free people’s rights come from the laws of God, not from inside the D.C. Beltway!

 

7) What will be the American History of 2018 that is left to the future generations, if indeed there be any? Is this generation truly nothing but Donkey dung or Elephant manure? For what good or what freedom can come from the mouth’s of two Domesticated Beasts who’s master is a Dragon?

 

8) If the people are allowed to have no freedom of choice by their Government then the people’s only free choice is to remove that Government!

 

9) We have all heard the old saying about their being too many Chiefs and not enough Indians. Yet if the labor of multitudes of Indians go only to behoove a small number of Chiefs, these few Chiefs will grow to consider the many who made them what they are as nothing but parasites not even worthy of their crumbs!

 

10) As death draws us near to our bed what is it that we hope for or believe? Did we leave God’s Light in the eyes of our children or the love of freedom upon their hearts? Or, will the memory of us be forgotten once the dirt is shoveled upon our face?

 

11) If “We The People” are so ignorant as to send Lawyers to be in “Our Congress” how can we expect anything except double talk as they fill their pockets at the people’s expense?

 

12) If a person in your country seeks a position of power and they request you have confidence in them, consider their request if you wish. Yet make sure of two things. Make sure that their feet are bound with chains to your country’s Constitution, and their heart to the Constitution of ‘The’ Creator. For if either one is not bound as such, the people will know only misery, poverty, and an early death!

 

(I hope that you liked at least some or even one of these and if not, I hope that they at least made you either smile, or think. Good night, and God bless.)

Ten Quick King Solomon Proverbs To Lighten Our Day

Ten Quick King Solomon Proverbs To Lighten Our Day

(PERSONALLY I BELIEVE THAT ALL PEOPLE NEED TO SERIOUSLY CONSIDER THESE WORDS EACH DAY) (OLDPOET56)

This is ten of King Solomon’s proverbs and shouldn’t take more than about two moments of your time. The dictionary says a proverb is a profound saying, maxim, or oracular utterance requiring interpretation.

  1. A just man walks in his integrity and his children that come after him shall be blessed because of his actions.
  2. Even a child is known by their actions whether they are pure and whether they are correct.
  3. The spirit of a man is like a candle to the Lord who searches all our inner thoughts.
  4. It is better to live on the corner of a house-top than to live in a mansion with a hate filled woman.
  5. He that keeps his mouth shut and his tongue from wagging keeps their own soul from trouble.
  6. If you see a person who is wise in their own deceit there is more hope for a fool than for that person.
  7. Evil men do not understand judgement but they that seek the Lord understand all things.
  8. He that turns away their ears from the Word of God even his prayers are an abomination.
  9. Give wine to those who are of heavy hearts. Let him drink and forget his poverty and remember their misery no more.
  10. A wise person will listen and will obtain learning and a person of understanding will listen to wise counsels. To fear the Lord is the beginning of knowledge but a fool despises wisdom and instruction.

Brain Games: 12 Proverbs And Philosophy From My Old Mind: To Yours

 

1) Here in the 21st century how many Christians still observe the day given as Christ’s Birthday, as His Birthday? Yet, it seems that so few choose to walk in His principles. So, is it easier to keep this Holiday, or His Birthday than it is to keep His Commandments? Or, in this modern age are His words of no matter because we judge ourselves by our own righteousness?

 

2) America, if we the people give up the Liberty of the Second Amendment believing that the Government will protect us in our times of peril then we will most certainly lose our freedom, our God-given rights, our Country, and our lives.

 

3) Where you have liberty and all of the basic human rights given to you by God Himself, then you have a Country worth fighting for. If you do not have these things then you do not have a Country, all you have is labor and death to leave to your children and their children.

 

4) We should all work each day as though we will grow old. Yet each night we should bow our knees and pray that we do not die on the morrow.

 

5) Does anyone really own the title to a piece of land? Remember, the Lord gives and if He wishes, the Lord has every right to take away. All things belong to the Lord for they were His before us and they will be His after even the thought of us is gone. Yet no free people can tolerate a Government that puts themselves upon God’s Throne. Governments do not give freedom to the people. It is the people who allow the Government to exist, not the other way around!

 

6) A free people’s rights come from the laws of God, not from inside the D.C. Beltway!

 

7) What will be the American History of 2018 that is left to the future generations, if indeed there be any? Is this generation truly nothing but Donkey dung or Elephant manure? For what good or what freedom can come from the mouth’s of two Domesticated Beasts who’s master is a Dragon?

 

8) If the people are allowed to have no freedom of choice by their Government then the people’s only free choice is to remove that Government!

 

9) We have all heard the old saying about their being too many Chiefs and not enough Indians. Yet if the labor of multitudes of Indians go only to behoove a small number of Chiefs, these few Chiefs will grow to consider the many who made them what they are as nothing but parasites not even worthy of their crumbs!

 

10) As death draws us near to our bed what is it that we hope for or believe? Did we leave God’s Light in the eyes of our children or the love of freedom upon their hearts? Or, will the memory of us be forgotten once the dirt is shoveled upon our face?

 

11) If “We The People” are so ignorant as to send Lawyers to be in “Our Congress” how can we expect anything except double talk as they fill their pockets at the people’s expense?

 

12) If a person in your country seeks a position of power and they request you have confidence in them, consider their request if you wish. Yet make sure of two things. Make sure that their feet are bound with chains to your country’s Constitution, and their heart to the Constitution of ‘The’ Creator. For if either one is not bound as such, the people will know only misery, poverty, and an early death!

 

(I hope that you liked at least some or even one of these and if not, I hope that they at least made you either smile, or think. Good night, and God bless.)

Though You Are Rich You Are The Poorest Of All People On Earth

Though You Are Rich You Are The Poorest Of All People On Earth

 

 

I was born and raised in a poor, factory class family and I am a person who believes that there is honor in working for a living. Up until five years ago (shortly before I turned 57 yrs of age) I worked as hard as I could yet for really low wages. I know that I worked hundreds of weeks where I worked more than 100 hours per week and just gave my wages to a wife who hated me, I worked like a dog so that she could have. Even though my physical injuries derived from a lightning strike when I was in the army I am sure that the way I worked all of my adult life didn’t help my health any and aided in me becoming totally disabled back in 2013. My wife, son and I are surviving okay in this poor mans world we live in and except for all three of us having poor health it would be very unfair of me to complain about how we are getting along. There are always going to be people in higher and lower-income brackets than ourselves, someone is always going to be richer, someone poorer. To envy or to curse the wealthy is just as wrong as to mock those who are poorer than us.

 

I haven’t played the Lottery in about six years now, I used to think and say that this would be the only way that I would ever be able to afford to retire. Honestly I always thought that I would simply die at work someday. Yet I did always have a bit of a fantasy about what all I would do if I ever won one of those Lotteries. The first thing that I always wanted to do was to financially set up all of my family members and the few very long time friends that I have so that they would be able to be out of debt and hopefully, depending on the size of the winnings, set them all up so that they could retire from working if they wanted to. Then, if the winnings were big enough I wanted to help my home town and former home towns. Honestly, if I had ever won, lets say 200 million dollars I figured that I would have wanted to keep back between 1 to 2 million for myself my wife and my youngest son. Folks, to me, that is a lot of money even if it is only 1% or less. Why would I need more, to put it into investment accounts for myself, to make myself richer? If I had won such a thing should I have bought me a 7,000 square foot mansion in a gated community with armed security guards? Should I have bought me a bunch of high-end cars and a couple of Limo’s so someone else could drive me around town so that I could look at all of those horrible poor people? Should I have been selfish and not even given anything to direct family members or to those few close friends that I have?

 

I used the title “though you are rich you are the poorest of all people on earth”, now I am going to back up via the Scriptures what I mean by this statement and how I personally come to this conclusion.

Proverbs 14: 31 and 35 He that oppresses the poor offends God but he that honors God has mercy on the poor. The King’s (God) favor is toward a wise servant: but His wrath is against him that causes shame.

Proverbs 21: 13 Whosoever shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he also shall cry himself, but shall not be heard.

Proverbs 22: 16 He that oppresses the poor so that they can increase their own wealth, and he that gives to the rich, shall surely come to nothing.

Ecclesiastes 5: 8-9 If you see the oppression of the poor, and the violent subverting of judgement do not marvel at this for He who is higher than these people also sees what they are doing. Moreover, the profit of the earth is for all people for even the Kings need the products of the fields.

Isaiah 3: 15 “What mean ye that ye beat my people to peaces, and grind the face of the poor? Saith the Lord God of Hosts.”

Leviticus 19: 13 and 15 You shall not defraud your neighbor nor rob him: The wages of those that you have hired you shall not keep with you overnight. You shall do no unrighteousness in your judgement: you shall not respect the person of the poor, nor give honor to the mighty for only in righteousness are we to judge.

Isaiah 10: 1-2 Woe unto them which write unrighteous laws. To turn aside the needy from honest judgement, to take away the rights of the poor of My people, that widows may be their prey, and that they may rob the fatherless.

There are many, many more Scriptures along these lines but I hope that these will give us all the realization of how we all should perform our lives concerning our wealth and goods and the wealth and goods that the earth supplies for us all. Think about it for a moment, if I was worth 50 billion dollars how many states could I help out if I wasn’t greedy? How many countries could I help bring clean water to, better farming Technics, sanitation clean ups, basic housing with Indore plumbing? Reality is, I would be able to help many millions of people to survive and to help give them some basic human dignities. Or, I could just hoard the money and keep it all to myself. I just have one last question for all of us. Would you rather live the life of pleasure for 70-80 years then burn in Hell for trillions of years or live the life of a caring, giving poor person for 50-70 years then live in total luxury for ever and ever?

 

Ten Quick King Solomon Proverbs To Lighten Our Day

Ten Quick King Solomon Proverbs To Lighten Our Day

(PERSONALLY I BELIEVE THAT ALL PEOPLE NEED TO SERIOUSLY CONSIDER THESE WORDS EACH DAY) (OLDPOET56)

This is ten of King Solomon’s proverbs and shouldn’t take more than about two moments of your time. The dictionary says a proverb is a profound saying, maxim, or oracular utterance requiring interpretation.

  1. A just man walks in his integrity and his children that come after him shall be blessed because of his actions.
  2. Even a child is known by their actions whether they are pure and whether they are correct.
  3. The spirit of a man is like a candle to the Lord who searches all our inner thoughts.
  4. It is better to live on the corner of a house-top than to live in a mansion with a hate filled woman.
  5. He that keeps his mouth shut and his tongue from wagging keeps their own soul from trouble.
  6. If you see a person who is wise in their own deceit there is more hope for a fool than for that person.
  7. Evil men do not understand judgement but they that seek the Lord understand all things.
  8. He that turns away their ears from the Word of God even his prayers are an abomination.
  9. Give wine to those who are of heavy hearts. Let him drink and forget his poverty and remember their misery no more.
  10. A wise person will listen and will obtain learning and a person of understanding will listen to wise counsels. To fear the Lord is the beginning of knowledge but a fool despises wisdom and instruction.

Seven Short Parables Of King Solomon Of Israel

Seven Short Parables Of King Solomon Of Israel

Some of these can make a person just sit and think, some are written just to make you smile. Either way the seven combined should not take but about a minute to read. I hope you have a great day.

 

  1. Proverbs 25: 21-22      If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink: For you shall heap coal of fire upon his head, and the Lord will reward you.
  2. Proverbs 4:18     But the footpath of the just is as a shining light, it shines brighter and brighter unto that perfect day.
  3. Proverbs 13:22    A good man leaves and inheritance to his children’s children.
  4. Proverbs 14: 7     Leave the presence of a foolish man when you perceive there is no knowledge in his words.
  5. Proverbs 14:29   He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalts folly.
  6. Proverbs 16:3     Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established.
  7. Proverbs 17:15    He that justifies the wicked and condemns the just, even they are both an abomination to the Lord.

(Wisdom Poem) What Is Wisdom

WHAT IS WISDOM

 

What is wisdom that a man should seek it out

Wisdom is like a halo upon the head of the wise

The fool avoids instruction and sleeps in his mire

Loneliness will follow you if you play a Jester’s hand

The teachings of a father keeps his child from the stocks

 

Only a fool will turn from the wisdom of the Lords love

If you fear the Lord you have begun to obtain knowledge

The Lord’s words are wise but the fool sees only darkness

Can your Soul understand a parable or a proverb, can you see

A true wise man will aid the simple but only with discretion

 

Can one be wise in the Lord if they cannot understand His instructions

To have true wisdom one must have the Lord as your heart and Soul

To turn your back on God’s wisdom is to condemn your own Soul

The wise will avoid laziness, painted women and the lure of fine gold

Only a true fool chooses to live their life as if there is no All-Mighty God

 

The proverb is written in wisdom yet the simple will not be able to understand

Honor without humility shows that you have no love or wisdom in your Soul

The child who refuses the wisdom of his elders is a Soul lost in the wilderness

A wise parent will not avoid instruction or discipline if they love their child

To refuse wisdom is to refuse love and the Lord who created both love and wisdom

12 Proverbs And Philosophy From My Old Mind

 

Here in the 21st century how many Christians still observe the day given as Christ’s Birthday, as His Birthday? Yet, it seems that so few choose to walk in His principles. So, is it easier to keep this Holiday, or His Birthday than it is to keep His Commandments? Or, in this modern age are His words of no matter because we judge ourselves by our own righteousness?

 

America, if we the people give up the Liberty of the Second Amendment believing that the Government will protect us in our times of peril then we will most certainly lose our freedom, our God-given rights, our Country, and our lives.

 

Where you have liberty and all of the basic human rights given to you by God Himself, then you have a Country worth fighting for. If you do not have these things then you do not have a Country, all you have is labor and death to leave to your children and their children.

 

We should all work each day as though we will grow old. Yet each night we should bow our knees and pray that we do not die on the morrow.

 

Does anyone really own the title to a piece of land? Remember, the Lord gives and if He wishes, the Lord has every right to take away. All things belong to the Lord for they were His before us and they will be His after even the thought of us is gone. Yet no free people can tolerate a Government that puts themselves upon God’s Throne. Governments do not give freedom to the people. It is the people who allow the Government to exist, not the other way around!

 

A free people’s rights come from the laws of God, not from inside the D.C. Beltway!

 

What will be the American History of 2018 that is left to the future generations, if indeed there be any? Is this generation truly nothing but Donkey dung or Elephant manure? For what good or what freedom can come from the mouth’s of two Domesticated Beasts who’s master is a Dragon?

 

If the people are allowed to have no freedom of choice by their Government then the people’s only free choice is to remove that Government!

 

We have all heard the old saying about their being too many Chiefs and not enough Indians. Yet if the labor of multitudes of Indians go only to behoove a small number of Chiefs, these few Chiefs will grow to consider the many who made them what they are as nothing but parasites not even worthy of their crumbs!

 

As death draws us near to our bed what is it that we hope for or believe? Did we leave God’s Light in the eyes of our children or the love of freedom upon their hearts? Or, will the memory of us be forgotten once the dirt is shoveled upon our face?

 

If “We The People” are so ignorant as to send Lawyers to be in “Our Congress” how can we expect anything except double talk as they fill their pockets at the people’s expense?

 

If a person in your country seeks a position of power and they request you have confidence in them, consider their request if you wish. Yet make sure of two things. Make sure that their feet are bound with chains to your country’s Constitution, and their heart to the Constitution of ‘The’ Creator. For if either one is not bound as such, the people will know only misery, poverty, and an early death!

 

(I hope that you liked at least some or even one of these and if not, I hope that they at least made you either smile, or think. Good night, and God bless.)

Ten Quick King Solomon Proverbs To Lighten Our Day

Ten Quick King Solomon Proverbs To Lighten Our Day

(PERSONALLY I BELIEVE THAT ALL PEOPLE NEED TO SERIOUSLY CONSIDER THESE WORDS EACH DAY) (OLDPOET56)

This is ten of King Solomon’s proverbs and shouldn’t take more than about two moments of your time. The dictionary says a proverb is a profound saying, maxim, or oracular utterance requiring interpretation.

  1. A just man walks in his integrity and his children that come after him shall be blessed because of his actions.
  2. Even a child is known by their actions whether they are pure and whether they are correct.
  3. The spirit of a man is like a candle to the Lord who searches all our inner thoughts.
  4. It is better to live on the corner of a house-top than to live in a mansion with a hate filled woman.
  5. He that keeps his mouth shut and his tongue from wagging keeps their own soul from trouble.
  6. If you see a person who is wise in their own deceit there is more hope for a fool than for that person.
  7. Evil men do not understand judgement but they that seek the Lord understand all things.
  8. He that turns away their ears from the Word of God even his prayers are an abomination.
  9. Give wine to those who are of heavy hearts. Let him drink and forget his poverty and remember their misery no more.
  10. A wise person will listen and will obtain learning and a person of understanding will listen to wise counsels. To fear the Lord is the beginning of knowledge but a fool despises wisdom and instruction.