Are there any funny jokes in the Bible?

(THIS ARTICLE IS COURTESY OF  THE ‘ALETEIA’ NEWS SITE)

 

Are there any funny jokes in the Bible?

ABRAHAM AND SARAH

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The Bible is surprisingly full of humorous episodes that can make one chuckle or even laugh out loud.

The book of Proverbs is full of wisdom, including this profound insight on the value of humor, “A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). While many see the Bible as a dry book of theological stories, it contains a good deal of humor in it, though not always what we would expect living in the modern world.

One of the first “jokes” God pulled was in the book of Genesis. When visiting Abraham and Sarah, God said to the elderly couple (well passed child-bearing years), “I will bless [Sarah], and moreover I will give you a son by her; I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of peoples shall come from her” (Genesis 17:16).

Abraham couldn’t keep himself contained, “Abraham fell on his face and laughed, and said to himself, ‘Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?’” (Genesis 17:17)

Sarah had a similar reaction to the news, “Sarah laughed to herself, saying, ‘After I have grown old, and my husband is old, shall I have pleasure?’” (Genesis 18:12) God caught her laughing, but “Sarah denied, saying, ‘I did not laugh’; for she was afraid. He said, ‘No, but you did laugh’” (Genesis 18:15). You can’t pull a fast one on God!

God had the “last laugh” as the name of their son became Isaac, for Sarah said, “God has made laughter for me; every one who hears will laugh over me” (Genesis 21:6). In Hebrew, Isaac means “he will laugh.”

Another humorous episode happened in the book of Numbers, when the People of Israel were complaining in the desert. They called out like a petulant child, “O that we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt for nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic, but now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at” (Numbers 11:4-6).

God responded by saying, the “Lord will give you meat, and you shall eat. You shall not eat one day, or two days, or five days, or ten days, or twenty days, but a whole month, until it comes out at your nostrils” (Numbers 11:19-20). He gave them quail that covered the earth, three feet deep! You wanted meat? Here you go!

In the book of Kings, Elijah is having a “Battle Royale” with some pagan priests and taunts them by saying, “Call louder, for he is a god; he may be busy doing his business, or may be on a journey. Perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.” (1 Kings 18:27). Some translations make “doing his business” more explicit by translating it as, “relieving himself.” This is in accord with the original Hebrew and so Elijah is taunting them by saying their god might be busy going to the bathroom!

These and other events in the Old and New Testaments reveal a lighter side to Christianity, showing that even God has a sense of humor and that “A cheerful heart is a good medicine.”

Theology Poem: Just Live

JUST LIVE

 

Just live you dummy

Life is so short

Sing, Dance, Play

No tomorrows, may be

 

Live Like you’re dying for you are

Another chance we don’t get

Memories are made from today

For tomorrow we are but a memory

 

Your smile frozen in a lovers mind

A card with kind words to a friend

A last kiss on your children’s cheek

Your last hug to your Mom or Dad

 

Vacation’s banked but never taken

Good times you never chose to have

Hugs and kisses you thought to give

Too late now, your dumb ass is dead

Humor Poem: At My Feet

Humor Poem: AT MY FEET

 

I am rich, my cabinets and closets are full

I have no needs my wallet is fat my belly full

All know my name and they wave as I pass

Banks call me, offering to me their petty games

My wife is in diamonds, my lady friends the same

 

I have my health, I am a genius in every possible way

With just a mere glance many a women do often faint

I own, I own, so off to work my petty puppets must go

Golf on the weekends and mornings, spa’s after noon

All kiss my ass and my ring to get to touch my feet

 

This world is my playground, I own many a woman and man

I have nothing more to wish for as I own all that I see

My wealth protects me, all the little people bow at my feet

How can this be, what the hell is this pain that I now feel

Light and white robes, you tell me to bow, surely you jest

 

This is all just a child’s story tell, for this can’t really be

I do protest, you put me in a line like I’m cattle or sheep

How dare you to tell me to be quiet and just wait my turn

I am the Top Card in The City and on Pennsylvania Way

Why is it so hot here, as I wait for them to bow at my feet?

 

(Humor Poem) You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me George And Bill

You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me George And Bill

 

You picked a fine time to leave me George and Bill

I got 40 acres of weed ready and waiting to be cycled

We still got eight big orders we gotta work to get filled

Got the eight ton for Willie and twenty ton more

That gotta git to Uncle Hillary and Aunt Billie to fill

 

I find you here at the Pink Feather drinking together

Under the next table I see Donald and Mikie romancing

Laid out on the dance floor twenty Republican Senators

This happens when they drink Jim Bean and Mr. Collins together

Guess love of liquor is why they don’t admit to sucking on weed

 

Without you George and Bill I got real big problems with those orders to fill

Two ATF Agents swinging in the basement, but what of their replacements

What if they won’t be bribed with Pink Teddie’s and a ton of medicinal Red Hair

Do I hang them in the closets with the Priests who brought their boy toys to preach

George and Bill, you can play righteous once we get this years crop out of the field

 

 

 

January 21st, 2021—Or maybe sooner—After The Impeachment

(I GOT THIS ONE FROM A FRIEND OF MINE ON FACEBOOK, THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THE IRONY AND THE HUMOR)(Bizarro.com/BizarroComics)

 

Coming soon!

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