Humor Poem: At My Feet

AT MY FEET

 

I am rich, my cabinets and closets are full

I have no needs my wallet is fat my belly full

All know my name and they wave as I pass

Banks call me, offering to me their petty games

My wife is in diamonds, my lady friends the same

 

I have my health, I am a genius in every possible way

With just a mere glance many a women do often faint

I own, I own, so off to work my petty puppets must go

Golf on the weekends and mornings, spa’s after noon

All kiss my ass and my ring to get to touch my hand

 

This world is my playground, I own many a woman and man

I have nothing more to wish for as I own all that I see

My wealth protects me, all the little people bow at my feet

How can this be, what the hell is this pain in my chest

Light and white robes, you tell me to bow, surely you jest

 

This is all just a child’s story tell, for this can’t really be

I do protest, you put me in a line like I’m cattle or sheep

How dare you to tell me to be quiet and just wait my turn

I am the Top Card in The City and on Pennsylvania Way

Why is it so hot here, as I wait for them to bow at my feet?

 

(Humor Poem) The Chicago Cub Fan

The Chicago Cub Fan

(WRITTEN OCTOBER 9TH OF 2013)

Indeed we are a special breed

A Cub fan learns a life of losing

Sadly this is quite true indeed

Age of ten years I became one ‘of them’

Not knowing that in my life span

They would probably never win

 

 

Bad ownership or bad managers

It never seems to matter much

On the road or at home they lose

Their following is always faithful

Across the street houses with a view

House tops filled with faithful fans

 

 

We all pay to watch another lose

We faithful stay till all out gone

When the dust has all cleared

Our Cubs find a way lose a twin

Wait till next year hangs in the air

The slogan the Cub fans sing again

(Humor Poem) La’ Pue

LA’ PUE

A skunk is just a kitty with a stripe up it’s back
The front end has the teeth yet the back-end, the attack
O’ Day perfume or O’ Day toilet, you find in the swanky stores
Give your date all natural Skunk Oil, you, she’ll never forget
Give her a kitty with its own perfume bag, a guaranteed success
Granny Clampett was said to have a great road kill stew
Elvira made a soup that was rumored to be able to eat you
Crockett and Boone wore skin hats with a decorative tail
You ever seen a coat with a white stripe up it’s back
Ever been served a meal where your teeth pulled themselves
See them roll down the hall like Chiclets to escape the smell
Beware when you see one of these kitty’s raise their tail
Don’t stand and watch the show, you’ll find it’s not a salute
You may think you are starved and would do anything for a meal
Do yourself a great favor, stay away from their southern end
Even a wolf or a grizzly sees their tail up in the air, they know to spin
Better to dream of maggot grits or even cow pie and pig knuckle stew
One bite and you’ll learn why the French call this kitty, Pepe La’ Pue

(Humor Poem) The Apple (Granny’s Dark Side)

THE APPLE (GRANNY’S DARK SIDE)

 

 

Was it given by Eve

Did it make us all die

Is it now baked in Hell’s ovens

Do the Demons enjoy a tart pie

Are you really the apple of your Granny’s eye

 

Thanksgiving meal or 4th of July pie

Tempered with arsenic or cyanide dye

Grandma Eve, your Grandpa long ago died

Little children be careful what you eat

If Granny’s got burning embers in her eyes

 

Will an apple a day really keep evil away

Depends on the cook and if today is your day

Little green apples turn the bowels into knots

Red rotten baked with dead worms in the crust

Granny turned all the little monsters back into dust!

(Humor Poem) Just Shut Up

JUST SHUT UP

 

Please be quiet doesn’t always work

If we do speak up, now we’re the jerk

Kindness is just a moral fantasy these days

Why should the world be quiet for you or me

So much racket makes our eardrums blow up

 

Married to a spouse who lies so smooth and well

Derriere in the air but not for the likes of you

Careful what you pray for if you want a pretty little flirt

Their dirty little minds will get you planted in the dirt

The heart says stay but the brain says shut up and leave

 

First time was a hoe, second time you swear you married a witch

Follow you around like a snake, with their fangs in your face

O the hate filled games these villains learn and love to play

If they show you any kindness it is because you paid and paid

Your weary heart wants to scream, just shut up and go away

 

Lying to you and the Preacher saying they will when they know they won’t

Two times brought you Hell on Earth, are we dumb enough to try for a third

When you see her smile it’s just because she is planning her next diabolical scheme

Two Spouses who loved to cheat and both wishing you were dead so why try for three

Some times its best to just shut up, learn to say no, and don’t listen to your jeans

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Humor Poem) Give Me Gold

GIVE ME GOLD

 

If Gold is our God, we shall never be in want

Gold always lets us lay down in pure pleasures

Gold floats us upon Lillie Pads in Crystal Waters

Gold always lets us shop in all the most Chic of places

Gold restores the fortunes of the weak, for its own name sake

 

Even though we are welcome in the finest of Casinos and Royal Houses

We have nothing to fear with our linens threads of pure Gold to lay upon

Our Stocks, our Bonds, our Secure Boxes filled with Gold, it comfort us

Nothing like Gold to make our enemies to bow at our table if they want to eat

Gold Chalices anoint our hands, because of gold, we live a life that over flows

 

Purely Nature itself gives Her blessings to us, as long as we are well supplied in Gold

All the days of our lives we deserve to live in pure luxury, we have the power of Gold

If we wish we can live in mansions made of pure Gold, after all, aren’t we Demigods

Gold is our strength, why would anyone pity week-minded, the poor, the old, leaches

Gold is Eternal, if there is a God, we will put him in his place with a bribe a bit later

 

 

(Humor/Poem) Mr. Drive By

Mr. Drive By

 

Mr. Drive By, in this house little man you are a many times daily event

From a dead sleep the refrigerator opens you’re winding around my feet

Going back and forth, head to tail you rub robust body against my feet

Your food dish in the bathroom you make sure we always keep it filled

Treats in the cabinets you do your best to break in and get for yourself

 

We go to the kitchen for a Pepsi yet you gotta smell the can for yourself

Try to do a little cooking, Drive By trying to get us the pan or plate to spill

At the kitchen table if he can distract you he will be siting in your plate

He sometimes teams with little brother a sneaky tag team scheme they play

Watch one and the other is stealing all meat right off of your fork or plate

 

Garfield ain’t got nothing on Mr. Drive By when it comes to belly sway

Fresh food in his bowl then treats on the floor he is always looking for more

18 Pounds of belly fur always swinging in the breeze and dusting the floor

Belly swaying wall to wall as he waddles to his bathroom down the hall

Get his tank empty then to the kitchen, one more Drive By before he sleeps

 

 

 

 

(Philosophy Humor/Poem) So,This Is Life

So, This Is Life

 

When I find myself in disfavor of riches and of the ladies smiles

I find myself alone cursing and weeping from this darkened state

My pain, my pain, why does Heaven hide from my tear filled eyes

When looking upon my life, I curse the bloody things I’ve done

 

 

Wanting myself to be like those who never worked, yet lined with gold

Coveting life like them with toes in the sand beating their chests like Tarzan

Why do we humans yearn for this friends looks and that one’s fame

If all wishes granted, what would we enjoy the most, and what the least

When in such thoughts I find it is myself the most that I am so displeased

 

 

Hopefully Lord I pray to Thee, rescue me Lord, for truly I hate my mistakes

I spent my years like an ignorant fool, with no guarantee of the next sun rising

From breathing air, to the cold grave, now hearing hymns at Heavens Gate

From this state I have lived in, Lord do I really wish to see Thy Holy Face

But then I awake and I do see the beauty of the morning sun rising once again

Aw but a dream, but wait, my boots to my beard, they are thoroughly singed

(Philosophy Humor/Poem) So,This Is Life

So, This Is Life

 

When I find myself in disfavor of riches and of the ladies smiles

I find myself alone cursing and weeping from this darkened state

My pain, my pain, why does Heaven hide from my tear filled eyes

When looking upon my life, I curse the bloody things I’ve done

 

 

Wanting myself to be like those who never worked, yet lined with gold

Coveting life like them with toes in the sand beating their chests like Tarzan

Why do we humans yearn for this friends looks and that one’s fame

If all wishes granted, what would we enjoy the most, and what the least

When in such thoughts I find it is myself the most that I am so displeased

 

 

Hopefully Lord I pray to Thee, rescue me Lord, for truly I hate my mistakes

I spent my years like an ignorant fool, with no guarantee of the next sun rising

From breathing air, to the cold grave, now hearing hymns at Heavens Gate

From this state I have lived in, Lord do I really wish to see Thy Holy Face

But then I awake and I do see the beauty of the morning sun rising once again

Aw but a dream, but wait, my boots to my beard, they are thoroughly singed