Late Night TV Jokes About Mr. Trump, Gore, And A Few Other American Politicians

(THIS ARTICLE IS COURTESY OF REAGAN REPORTS WEB SITE)

Late Night Jokes of the Week
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

  • A former “Apprentice” contestant says that Donald Trump didn’t know the names of all the women on the show, and would describe them by their bodies and looks. When asked about it, Trump said, “Which woman said that? Brown Hair/Lazy Eye or Blond Hair/Nose Job?”
  • Donald Trump just released a new TV ad attacking Hillary Clinton’s health, with clips of her coughing. Which was effective till the end, when he says, “I’m Donald Trump and I approve this message. (LONG SNIFF)”
  • Yesterday, Al Gore campaigned for Hillary Clinton at a Florida rally attended by 1,600 people. Unfortunately for Gore, a recount showed that it was only 1,300 people.
  • A new study finds that having acne could be a good thing because it protects your skin from aging. And then teenagers were like, “Right now it just feels like it’s protecting me from girls.”
  • Samsung is sending out thermally insulated “flameproof” boxes for people returning its exploding Galaxy Note 7 phones. Samsung says they’re being “extra cautious,” while UPS is saying, “Please use FedEx.”

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Jimmy Kimmel Live!

  • Paris Hilton just bought an $8,000 Chihuahua. How does Paris Hilton still have $8,000?
  • The dog weighs 12 ounces. I’ve eaten hot dogs that weigh more than 12 ounces. That’s not even officially a dog, that’s a hamster; she spent eight grand on a hamster.
  • President Obama is winding down his time in office. He’s got less than 100 days left. But he’s keeping busy, still pushing his agenda, he’s working to fight climate change, he’s shortening sentences for drug offenders, every night he goes down to the basement to visit Merrick Garland, his nominee for the Supreme Court.
  • The reason President Obama is working so hard up to the end is to avoid helping his wife pack the house; it’s a pain in the [butt], and he wants no part of it.
  • I hope Obama grows a huge retirement beard like David Letterman.
  • Some very prominent Republican donors are reported to be asking for their money back. Because if there’s one thing Donald Trump is known for, it’s giving money back.
  • Asking Donald Trump for your money back is like asking Chris Christie for a bite of his cheeseburger, it isn’t going to happen. You’ll have to pry it out of his cold, tiny hands.

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Late Night With Seth Meyers

  • Donald Trump told supporters last night to go out and vote on November 28th, when Election Day is actually November 8th. Unless November 8th is just a lie being spread by the liberal media.
  • Donald Trump, last night, criticized Republicans who are dropping support for his campaign, saying, “I wouldn’t want to be in a foxhole with a lot of these people.” Trump made the comment while talking to everyone’s favorite foxhole, Bill O’Reilly.
  • Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, said this morning that Republicans should decide whether or not they support Donald Trump and “stop pussyfooting around.” That’s the worst choice of words since Abraham Lincoln said, “I need slavery like I need a hole in the head.”
  • Today was Yom Kippur, or as Gary Johnson calls it, “The capital of Thailand?”
  • Former House Speaker John Boehner says he still plans on voting for Trump even though he said, “Donald wasn’t my first choice, wasn’t my second choice, for that matter he wasn’t my third choice.” “Who was your fourth choice?” whispered Jeb.

 

So Called ‘Super Delegates’ Are A Fraud Against The American People And Our Constitution

 

Today this post is going to be a short post as I am simply going to state my opinion on this issue. For those of us here in America who are paying any attention to the political primaries for our next President you have most likely heard of the term ‘Super Delegates’. The Republican Party does not have any of these ‘frauds’ in their system, but the Democrats have 702. These are people who are Democratic Party officials, Governors, former Governors, Senators and the such. In this political season the Democratic candidate needs about 2,300 won and or pledged delegates to win their Party’s nomination to run in the November 1st Presidential general election. Very early on in the process 495 of those ‘Super Delegates’ committed to Mrs. Clinton with only 40 committing to Senator Sanders with about 170 who didn’t commit to anyone yet, they seem to be waiting on the actual Democratic Convention this June before they commit either way. Before last night’s New York primary Mrs. Clinton had a lead of just under 200 ‘won’ delegates but when you add in those ‘Super Delegates’ she has a lead on Senator Sanders  of almost 700 delegates which is a lead that it is obvious she will now win the Democratic ticket because of those ‘un-won’ delegates.

 

What the Democratic Party machine has done is to tell the voters in all 50 states that their votes mean very little to them. Both of these crooked political party systems leaders along with the main media outlets have been kissing the ‘Establishment candidates’ rumps. What I am saying is both ‘Party’s’ decide who will be their candidates for the November election for President. Both party’s have shown the American people that they will decide whom we can vote for, that it is not up to the people to decide but the reality of the situation is that ‘to me’ the Democrats and their ‘Super Delegates’ are even far more crooked than what the Republicans are. To me this constitutes a fraud against the American people and against the Constitution. Our Constitutional system says that in elections each persons vote counts for only that one vote, these ‘Super Delegates’ should not exist at all. It is actually a hijacked system designed to make sure that their choice wins no matter what the people have to say concerning whom they might want. Here in America if the Democratic party actually wanted to be ‘the people’s party’ they would right now get rid of those 702 ‘party delegates’ and let the people decide whom we want to be our Leader, not basically those 702 people deciding for us.

 

If you remember the 2000 Presidential election Vice President Gore beat George W. Bush by 600,000 votes yet Mr. Bush won the ‘Electoral College’ delegates by (1) vote so he became the President instead of whom the people voted in. Think about it for a moment, in 2001 Mr. Bush took office on January 20th, less than eight months before America got woke up with 9-11. If Mr. Gore had been our President (the man the people voted for) when 9-11 happened what would have been Americas response? We may well have gone after the mass murderer’s in Afghanistan and even into Pakistan, but would the Iraq war ever have happened? Would the situation in Syria, Libya, or even in Egypt be where they are today? American politics this Presidential election cycle is showing the American people once again that ‘We The People’ are just un-trusted fodder. Do you ever wonder how many hundreds of thousands of people would be alive today if we had not illegally invaded Iraq? Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney, and Mr. Rumsfeld would then not be the war criminals that they are today! Dishonesty does have a way of coming back at a person and biting them in the rear-end both in this life and the next one.