What Does Silence Sound Like

What Does Silence Sound Like

When you hear Silence, are you fast asleep?

What does silence sound like too you? Silence to me is hearing a constant high pitch sound of electric voltage wire humming throughout my darkness. When you lay your head down to sleep what do you hear? Can you hear total silence? I can at times accomplish the blackness of nothingness in my minds eyes when I have lain down to sleep. I think that if we can accomplish this void in our slumber then we should be able to reach good REM sleep, the trouble is getting there.

 

Science tells us all that the brain never sleeps, they surmise (and I do agree) if the brain is not emitting connectors like when we are dreaming, then we are dead. This I would think would be the ultimate silence, death, but is it? The Judgement continues as we sleep, the Trumpet, then our destiny to face.

 

Remember what I asked you in this title (What Does Silence Sound Like)? For those of us who have the problem of Tinnitus, it seems that we have no such thing as true silence.

(Philosophy Poem) Sure Step

Sure Step

My next step

Lord where shall it be

I pray for guidance

With every breath, and every step

I know not life’s path

That is set in front of my feet

Lord please be my light

So that my eyes can see my feet

I wish not to wander blindly

With my feet upon soft ground

For in my life I have walked in darkness

With my toes sinking into uncertain ground

Lord, please guide my conscience

Please keep my body and mind sound

Keep me away from life’s deadly holes

Please embed your light into my soul

Lord, I wish not to stumble

Nor fall into Satan’s grasp

Lord please always guide my feet

So I can tell Satan to kiss my ass

The ‘Coward In Chief’ Calling The Kettle Black

 

Today I have been hearing some disturbing news from different news outlets about a Police Officer who was stationed at the school where 17 kids were murdered a week ago Wednesday. This Officer was assigned to this school as an ‘SRO’, school resource Officer. Evidently this Officer was outside the school when he first heard the shots being fired yet he waited for four minutes before he went inside. Some people (Mr. Trump) believe this Officer to be ‘a coward’, I am not him so I do not know if the reason he waited was from being a coward or not. Remember Officers are taught to ‘wait for backup’, is this why the Officer waited those four minutes? Put yourself in the Officers place, you hear semi-automatic rifle fire going on inside the school, all you have is a pistol and no bullet proof vest, so do you charge in, or wait for your backup? That would be a hard decision for most folks I believe and I don’t believe that any of us know what we would have done until we are placed in that position. Personally I believe that I would have called the gunfire in and then proceeded toward the gunfire, mainly because I would have known that these are children being shot at, I would have had to have made the sacrifice.

 

It would be easy for the media to label this Officer (who I read has quit his job) as a coward, I don’t know the whole situation, I was not there and neither were you, nor was President Trump. What made me decide to write this article today was that on the front page of my Google news this morning was our “Coward In Chief” calling this Officer a coward. For Mr. Trump to call anyone a coward is extremely hypocritical. This is the same Mr. Trump who took 6 deferrals from being drafted into the Military during the Vietnam War. His dad got him these deferrals while he was in college, saying he had a bone spur in his foot. Yet this bone spur did not stop him from participating in college sports programs, how odd. Mr. Trump was to much of a coward to even go into something like the Air Force Reserve or the National Guard and he could have gone in as an Officer. Mr. Trump, a man who refused to put on any of our Nations uniforms should never ever be calling someone else a coward. This truly is a case of the Coward calling the kettle black.

The VA Says I’m Too High Risk To Get Any Help: So Now What, Nothing

 

Yesterday afternoon I got a letter in the mail from the VA telling me that the operations that I was to be getting this year have been canceled, saying that I am too high risk. I understand their concerns yet I feel that if they had addressed these issues years ago I would not have been as a high risk patient as I am today. I was suppose to be getting fusion surgeries on my neck and then on my very low spine then carpel tunnel surgeries on each wrist, now they won’t do them. It has been my experience that the VA moves at a V-E-R-Y slow pace, if at all on most all issues, not just compensation hearings. Back in October of 2013 one of their own Neurosurgeons who looked at an MRI from the day before said that I needed the neck surgery, 4 1/2 years later they were finally going to do it and now it gets canceled.

 

Last March I was finally able to get my gallbladder removed after a year and a half of pestering them about it. This is a year and a half after the imaging scan showed that it needed to be removed. They didn’t want to do it saying that I was to high risk yet by the time they finally did go in and get it, it had grown into (fused itself) into my liver. They had to actually cut my gallbladder out of my liver to get it out. If they had not gotten it out I would most likely be dead by now. This is the same type of issues I have experienced for years with VA Doctors concerning procedures on my heart, I have had to go to civilian hospitals/Doctors for life saving surgeries that the VA refused to do even though they knew that I was dying, and was going to die if the procedures didn’t happen. I will shut up my rant now, it is mostly a ‘disappointment rant’ because I know that I am not going to be able to get any relief from my pain issues. O well, things could always be worse. I hope that you are all able to have a good day, try to smile, Baseball season is only 5 weeks away. I wonder what the chances of a Bears-Jets World Series are this year?

 

Islam And Dictators

Islam And Dictators

As most people know the world experienced an event called “The Arab Spring” just a few years ago. The event started when a man through exasperation of the inequalities that were laid upon his life decided to end his life by setting himself on fire. This tragic event started an uprising of the people who spread across North Africa and the Middle East. The people of these countries raised up together to challenge their countries leaders in unprecedented numbers. The results of these uprisings do vary but it would be lying to say that these countries and their people are now living in peace.

The United States government has been involved in this region of the world since before I was born (I am 61). Their adventures attributes or lack there of can easily be argued long and loud from the Arab people’s point of view, their governments point of view, and the American people’s points of view. Many Americans are sick and tired of our country being the “world’s policeman” but just as cops on the street can be good and/or evil our country has often lacked moral ethics in how they performed their activities. But just as different Arab countries leaders and their people like and dislike things our government has done that has touched their lives, I would just like to share with you that just as you and your countries government’s do not always see eye to eye with each other, that the American people do not always back what our government in doing in regards to events that affect you and your lives.

Most of the American people I believe before 1972-73 knew little about anything that was to do with your countries. I was a teenager during that time and I was in the American military (1977) before I ever heard of the Shah of Iran, I am not sure that I had ever heard of the country of Iran before the events of his departure from your country. The more that I paid attention to the events concerning the Shah and our countries involvement the more it sickened me about things our country had done to the people of Iran. As just about anyone and everyone should know by now the American government was playing a deadly game with Russia during those “cold war” years. Both countries governments used other countries like pawns in a chess game not caring about the collateral damage their actions were putting upon the people of these countries.

The American government installed and supported many evil people, even crazy people (Saddam), giving them many weapons which the tyrants used against their own people. I am going to step back to Iran in the 1978 era when the people of Iran was able to get rid of one Tyrant to unfortunately have an even more evil person step into the leadership of their country. I know that statement will get some people mad but to be honest about things, here in America we have had many evil people in all different levels and departments of our government including some very evil Presidents. The Shah was a very evil person but after his departure, you the people, got locked into a government that is one of the most evil the world has ever known.

Libya, as most everyone knows is one of the countries that had a horrible lunatic for a leader who you the people, with some outside help from Jihad organizations was able to overthrow. But you the people have now got a living situation that is very dangerous for all of it’s citizens with so many armed groups fighting for more control. I am glad that this was one leader that wasn’t one of the CIA puppets because he was a horrible non-humanitarian leader. Our government propped up dictators from the Philippines to Central America to Africa to the Middle East. It Saddens me as an American and as a loving heart Christian that our government did some of the things to you that they did but it is not like we the people of America condoned our governments actions.

Syria, their President is the only leader that it seems is going to remain in office but only because he was able to get foreign help from nations like Russia and Iran and terrorist groups like Hezbollah. The cost of this failed Civil War is hundreds of thousands of people are dead with probably that many and more wounded. There is also the factor of how to go forward as a nation. There is many trillions of dollars of damage to businesses and homes and the factor of the human cost of getting that country back to a functional condition is going to take several decades.

The United States as you know involved themselves militarily in Afghanistan and Iraq after the 9-11-2001 attacks here in America. I believe that going into Afghanistan was a legitimate action. But when our government went into Iraq in March of 2003 to get Saddam this was an unconstitutional act, thus and illegal action by our President. I try to always be honest and fair in all that I do and say, but in doing this it seems like I get most everyone mad at me. Thus saying, I personally believe that our President at the time, George W Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld are all three guilty of War Crimes and should all three be behind bars right now. Now, if you fast forward to today, look at all the sectarian violence in Iraq and in Afghanistan with the government trying to get the Taliban murderers to become part of that government. Besides cutting off the figurehead of Al-Qaeda on May 2nd of 2011 what did all the blood and all the billions of dollars accomplish for the lives of their average countryman?

Egypt is the last country that I am going to focus on tonight because I am not trying to create a manuscript out of this post. The people of Egypt throughout history for the most part are now and have always been a great people even though they have had many Rulers who used and abused them. Ever since your President Anwar Sadat was murdered by Islamist traders, you the people had been saddled with a Dictator/President who you finally overthrew about five years ago. When you, the people of Egypt were doing your rallies there in the Square in Cairo the Western media kept interviewing protesters from the square pointing out to us viewers how it was the educated class of people who were the protesters. They would often say how the side streets and alleys were jammed with people but these reporters did not go into those side streets and alleys because of security issues. I knew even then that the Islamist groups like the Muslim Brotherhood were more than happy to let the School Teachers, Doctors, and Lawyer types be the one’s speaking to the foreign press while they waited in the back streets hoping that the President would be run out of office. When President Mubarak was removed by the Military and elections were set in place I had no doubt who would win and then the people of Egypt who voted in The Brotherhood would see first hand how they now had another tyrant leading their country. To the praise of the majority of the people the people realized how badly they had been lied to and how inept these Islamist leaders were and once again with the help of your Military you brought down yet another Dictator.

There is a common thread that runs throughout the Muslim part of the world and that of course is the Islamic faith. I know that it sounds horrible but the pattern of governments that have come and gone and come again to your countries has been where a Military backed Dictator has ruled your country or you had a Religious Leader rule your country. The debate for your people has been a case of which one is going to be the most cruel toward the population. It has seemed that your only alternatives where the lazy, uneducated, hate-filled Islamist fundamentalists who allow the population no basic human rights or freedom of expression, or when a Military backed Dictator has been your countries ruler who has no choice but to clamp down on the Islamist groups. These actions unfortunately cause the collateral damage of taking away many of the general populations basic rights also.

It is and has been my belief for a long time now that the only way that the people have freedom in their country is if they remove the tyrant themselves. How Egypt has gotten rid of their last two Presidents has worked but it always comes down to where the loyalty of the nation’s Military is. Muslim countries who prefer to have a so-called Religious Leader as their ruler it is up to you to see that He or She is acting toward the populous with caring and love for the people. Proof that these so-called “Clerics” like the real rulers of Iran, have enslaved the people by their hatred against everyone they themselves do not consider to be “holy” enough. This has been proven to the people of Islamic countries time and time again, it seems that either way the people have no freedom or freedom of speech under penalty of death. The people of your countries are to this day wrapped up in constant violence and almost all of this violence is directly to do with the Islamic Faith in how people choose to interpret your Holy Books words. Personally, I believe that God can choose to kill or let live whomever He chooses and that He does not need anyone’s help to kill or harm anyone. If God wants you or I dead, if He really is God, He can just speak it or wish it so and it will be so. Anyone who uses a Religion to kill or harm another person is themselves a Servant of Satan. If you really believe that the One you call God says for you to do these things, you very much need to examine who/what it is that you are worshiping because it sure isn’t a God. God is peace and love, not hate and killing. I from the depths of my heart wish for peace prosperity and love to each and every one of you. I do pray for you everyday because there is so much hate and violence that surrounds you and your families daily, shalom.

America In Our Rear View Mirror

America In Our Rear View Mirror

Good afternoon everyone, I would like to take this moment to welcome you to “The Good Ole Days”.  For those of us who are lets say forty years or older you are probably thinking that I have fallen off of my rocker and cracked my head again. By the way, if I believed that this current time is my Good Ole Day’s then I must have had a more difficult youth than I had realized, and thanks mostly to my Dad most of the things about my early years really sucked, please pardon my language. But you know something, even with the weight of a less than okay parent, I did have some good times when he was not around. Most of the time when I do look backwards in time into my memory I usually focuses on the few good times of those years. When you are a teenager when you get married and you have two kids by the age of nineteen and a busted marriage at twenty and you are in the Service (because you can’t just get up and leave and go after them), this is not a very good start into adulthood. Yet still I look back at spots within these times and choose to pull out the good and try to keep the bad stuck in a closet. Within this title I am trying to show the reality that I find to be so sad for them. If you are a person that has a little age on  you most likely you know that the times we are living in now is a lot harder for people to survive in.

I am over sixty years old now, when I look back on my life and on the historical events in our country and events that have happened in our world I cringe when I see the events our children are facing. I was born into a very poor but hard-working family in south-west Virginia, even though we moved a bit during my childhood the poor always stuck with us. Each part of the country we lived in most everything stayed the same. Most times were negative because of how my Dad was yet each place had its good moments, good memories. The first outside event in my life was when I was seven when President Kennedy was murdered, that was the first awakening to me that there was life outside the Blue Ridge mountains. I think that most people have that  A-Haw moment when we were young, what was yours, do you remember? Now, try to look back into your memories, try to separate the good ones and the bad ones. Do you remember the negative ones, things like the Vietnam War, political riots, Kent State, Nixon, Woodstock, the Beatles and Elvis on the Ed Sullivan Show? You see, good markers, bad markers, and horrible ones. In our lives we all have these markers, of course people have some that are the same as yours, but most people will have varying ones sometimes even when we are looking at the same event we can easily have different concepts about that event. I am going to use Kent State as an example, I think that most of us who witnessed this on our evening news programs was appalled at these shootings of these unarmed kids by the Ohio National Guard members. But there were those who felt that it was about time the Government stood up to these damn hippie commies.

When you look back into not just your own personal past but also the events you lived through, what do you see in your own personal rear view mirror? If life is set up via a generation ruler mine would start is the mid 50’s, so my good ole days were probably the early 70’s, and that is about all for me. After this time, life got real, trying to be an adult, a Dad, a husband, difficult task when you never had a good example to learn from. Now I would like to move up to the next generation where I would like to move twenty years to pick up those people who were born in the 70’s. Everyone like I said before will have their own markers and unfortunately each generation had their heart aches and of course their own wars. This generation had the Desert Shield and Desert Storm within their young lives to contend with. When we try to look back into someone else’s life it is a very difficult thing to do. We can’t perceive how people handle their own personal affairs whether when they were children, young adults, or adults with a little bit of age upon them, we’re all different. For the kids born in the 80’s or the early 90’s there was 911 and the  following wars for their generation to contend with. They as well as the rest of our country and the world had to see events like Katrina and Sandy which showed the total uncaring, crooked, lying politicians from both parties. We have witnessed Government shutdowns and constant tit for tat politics which shows us all very plainly that these politicians do not care about our Country at all, just themselves and their political Parties.

What kind of a world are we dumping on to our Kids and our Grand Kids? What kind of a world are they looking through their windshield at, will there be a civil world left for them to live in to raise their Children in? Will our Kids and Grand Kids even have a world to look into their rear view mirror at? I am emotionally sick when I stop and get upon my knees and talk with our Creator about those loved ones that we leave behind us. Look at the stupidity going on right now between Russia, the U.S. and NATO over the situation in Crimea. Why cant the worlds politicians just agree with letting the people of that peninsula go back to their real homeland. That is what these people want, there was no violence when the Russian troops came in and took this piece of land. As long as President Putin stops there and doesn’t try to go further into the country of Ukraine and is only taking back what is rightfully part of Russia all these NATO and American politicians need to just shut up and let the people have their right to vote welcomed as the will of the people. There is absolutely no excuse for our country or any other country to go to war over this as long as Russian troops stop where they are at. I totally do not believe that President Putin wants war but he absolutely can not back down from this current situation or he is finished as the leader of Russia. He can’t and won’t lose face like that and our so-called leaders need to recognize this fact.

So, what kind of world indeed will our younger loved ones be left with? Will there be a world of peace and prosperity left for our children or are we going to totally pollute it in every possible way before our generation goes to sleep with our ancestors? It is well-known by now that everything that any of us do is being monitored, it is just about to a level now even before our own personal chip are installed that if we fart in the middle of the desert someone in DC will smell it. I can only hope that our kids and grand kids can have many happy moments spent out in the open countryside without having to be scanned and approved before they leave their cubical. What will our kids say about the world we dumped in their laps? Will our kids and grand kids use our graves for a latrine?  What indeed will our kids have for happy memories that they can look back into their rear view mirror and smile about, anything?

America The Lost

America The Lost

When I write something via free thought I am a person who for the most part needs a title first so that I can write to it. I settled on this title because it is unfortunately true in so many ways. By no means am I anti-American, I am not anti any country. As most people in our country probably know, our country is very sick and I do believe it is now to the point where it is terminal. I completely believe that the only chance our country has of survival is if the vast majority of our population (and our leaders) turns back to God our creator with all our hearts, minds, and souls. To be totally honest with you I just don’t see that happening. I believe that the three biggest pieces of cancer in our country are where the three main media centers are located, Hollywood, NYC, and DC. The pretty Lady with the Torch and all of Her land to Her west is crumbling all around Her and us. Also, these so-called Political Parties who always sell themselves to the highest bidders is destroying all of the fiber which our Country was created on and either it stops very soon or our country will not be in existence for our kids and grand-kids.

There are people in our country who want to get rid of the second amendment (the people’s right to have the means to protect ourselves and our families) all together. I believe that most of the people who wish this to happen are filled with good intentions, it is my contention that these folks are a good bit unrealistic in their thoughts though. Even to this date with all of the revelations shown to us by Mr. Snowden along with the IRS flaws and the so-called Patriot Act which burnt the Constitution, some people still think that our government is only filled with good intentions. Many people do not realize that our Country’s founding Fathers had seen first hand how a country where it’s people could not defend themselves were treated by the government. The Founding Fathers very much intended for it to be where We The People could defend ourselves from a government that oppresses its own people. They plainly wanted the people to be able to revolt if necessary. Do you remember your history classes about how the governments of Europe made it illegal for the people to possess arms and then how the Governments oppressed it’s people, where the people with no means to defend themselves simply became servants to the ruling class? How many lessons did you learn from what happened at Ruby Ridge where the government agents orders were “if it breathes, kill it”. Or do you remember the mass murdering of almost all of the men women and children at Waco? Do you honestly think that your best interest is what our government has on its daily agenda?

Now before you get to thinking that I am some right-wing gun-toting Militia member grand-pappy whose agenda is chaos you could not be further from the truth. I am not an anti gun person at all, and I do own a couple myself. I do believe that everyone has the God-given right to be able to protect themselves and their family. Just like I am not a hunter yet I believe people have the right to hunt if they want to. I am not a vegetarian, I do buy and eat meat from the grocery store, one can not say they are anti hunting if they are not a vegetarian, they would be what is  called a hypocrite. O by the way in case you wanted to pigeon-hole my political association  as being a Republican or as a Democrat, I am neither, I am a long time registered Independent.

Enough now about weapons and people’s concerns of them. I would now like to turn my attention on the economics problems as they are many. If my education was in economics I and many of you could probably write a book on our countries economic issues. I am just an old guy who is speaking from the school of lessons learned from a lifetime of paying attention. O in case you wondered about it, my degrees are in Sociology and in Anthropology but I did study some economics classes while in school. A few months ago I wrote an article in this blog called “It’s Called Trickle Up Economics”, if you would, please spend a few moments reading it. In it I discussed my irritation on how the so-called Stimulus Package money was used. What I wrote (in my opinion) in that blog post spells out my anger without me basically rewriting it here today.

Folks, I love this Country and I love the people who make up the fiber of this Country, for a country is it’s people, not their government. I don’t like the governments of several countries on this Globe but disliking a country’s government doesn’t mean I dislike the people. It is like in our country, I do not like the direction our Country is being led into but I would still give my life to protect our people. It really bothers me when I see how crooked and inept our Government has become and it is only we the people who can change it before we all are led straight into the belly of Hell by this inept evil leadership. I am not mad at how things are, I am just very sad at how blind our country has become and how evil our leaders are.

Bill Gates On The Ellen DeGeneres Program

(THIS ARTICLE IS COURTESY OF TIME.COM)

 

John Lamparski—Getty Images

By CADY LANG

4:36 PM EST

When it comes to software or entrepreneurship, Bill Gates is a force to be reckoned with. But if you’re looking for a pal to help you out on The Price Is Right or to help you keep costs down on a trip to the grocery trip, Gates is not your guy.

The Microsoft mogul appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Wednesday, where he discussed how he became a billionaire before obliging Ellen by playing game where he guessed the cost of common grocery store staples, like Rice-a-Roni, Tide Pods, floss, and Totino’s Pizza Rolls. And while Gates definitely has the capacity for developing software, when it came to guesstimating how much the average person forks over for snacks and household goods, he was seriously challenged, going so far as to initially postulate that a box of pizza rolls would set you back a whopping $22 (spoiler alert: they’re only $8.98, according to DeGeneres).

That being said, Gates is using his considerable wealth to help others; he and wife Melinda pledged to give away $41.3 billion to help others through the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, focusing on global health, education, and ending poverty.

Watch the full clip below.

 

OUR AGE  

OUR AGE  

(First printed on Feb 13th, 2014)

I have a simple question that I would like to pose to you. It is a question that most everyone in the world will know the answer to, but there will be many different answers given. What is it, it is simply this, how many years old are you? Me, this calendar year if the Lord is willing, I will be 58. Like a lot of kids when I was young I couldn’t hardly wait to turn 18 so that I could get out of the living situation I had when I was a kid. Shortly before I turned 18 the drinking laws reverted from 21 to 18. But I was never really much of a drinker because I had seen adults getting drunk and acting like idiots and dumb asses my whole childhood and I really didn’t want to act like that myself. So the drinking age change was of little value to me except when a date wanted a bottle of wine I would now be able to get it for her. As a young man I guess I never thought too much about getting old and the changes that age does to a mind and body. This is probably because I never thought I would live to see 30. I remember though in moments of deep thought what it would be like to live long enough to see the year 2000. I remember when that did happen I went outside right after the Ball dropped and laid on the hood of our car with my back against the windshield closed my eyes and thanked the Lord for His kindness. The year 2000 was the year that my Mom was killed in a car wreck though, it was exactly three weeks before her 70th birthday. In 1993 my Dad died at the age of 66, I have two brothers, one died at 3 days old and the other at age 43 so it seems in our DNA becoming an ancient one is not likely. My heart Doctors thought I would be dead about 10 years ago but for some reason the Lord is still walking with me.

A couple of things that have happened here this week has put me on the thought path of age. A real good friend of mine turned 59 last week and my wife who is 48 but will have a birthday soon and is seemingly depressed at the thought of number 49. I know that for a lot of folks the birthday’s that end with a zero causes them a lot of stress and it does appear that my Bride is one of them. Then there is my sweet Sister who, Lord willing, will hit the big 60 this fall. Since I was injured while in the Army I always say a prayer of thank you to our Creator for being so kind as to allowing me to see another sunrise.  I took a break this morning to watch my local news and a bit of the Good Morning America program and heard that Shirley Temple died yesterday, they said that she was 85. This is a woman who lived an extraordinary life, if you are a person who doesn’t know who she is go ahead and Google her.

In the time that Mrs Shirley Temple Black walked here among us she used her God-given time well, but my question is, have you? Have I, that answer for me has to be no, I have been a screw up most of my life. When you know that your time is fading and you know that it is a truth that when you tie your shoes in the morning that it could easily be the undertaker who unties them tonight, this reality can make one drift off in thought as to how you have performed your life. What I have learned in my life is to be thankful when I open my eyes each morning and to thank the Lord each night when I put my head down on my pillow. We are all given much more grace than we deserve (in my opinion), at least that is the truth in my case.

The reason for this little message today is to speak with each of you personally about the path of life that we are on. I just want all people to spend a little quiet time with just yourself and God (if you are a believer) and to take a good look at the path in life that you are on. Are you happy in your life? If so, consider what you need to do in your future to continue in this blissful life. If you are discontent spend some quiet time with your thoughts and consider what have you experienced in your life path that has put you where you are. Now, just take a pen or pencil and write down the little things that you would like to see change in your life. Now write a commentary beneath it on what you need to do to get that event behind you so that you can go onto the next event you would like changed in your life. If we chip off the foundation of a big problem soon that big problem will fall to the ground where we can kick the air out of it to. I would just like it if everyone could be living a content life style, but such a miracle is accomplished one life at a time. I have learned that it is difficult to be the kind caring person I want to be if my own life is filled with tension. I know that I probably have not said anything that is new to you here today in this post. The purpose of this note to you is simply to get you some quiet time for your inner thoughts to be in your mind’s eye as you were reading this note to you.

More Blessed Than Deserved

More Blessed Than Deserved

 

It’s about 1410 Est on Supper Bowl Sunday. It has been a very boring day, have been on the computer since I got up bout nine. I have been aiming to put some other things into the blog other than just the poems I have been putting in. I still have a lot of poems I have written but I have been wanting to give some of my thoughts and presentations on life and the world we are all living in. So, I m not saying that I am special or smarter than anyone else, I am just going to put some thoughts out to you folks to see if you think or feel the same way about life and world issues. So, if you would, after you read my posts, comment, let me know what you think okay? I am not just trying to get folks to agree with me like some blinded herd of cattle, if you don’t agree with me on an issue, that’s cool, tell me why you either do or don’t. You know, a lot of time the most learning that one can obtain is when one disagrees within an orderly discussion.

Lately I have been occasionally thinking about my age (61). I have been thinking about different times in my life when I was at one of those “decision moments”. You know what I’m talking about, moments like I had in April of 1977. I was in the Air Force in Biloxi Mississippi when my wife up and left with my two young babies. She left to go back up to northern Illinois to move in with an x-best friend. Well it became one of those decision times, no, I wasn’t thinking about killing either of them, neither one was worth it. My decision was about whether to take an Honorable Discharge and go back to Illinois to see if I could get my family back, or just stay in the Service and continue trying to continue my life without them. I chose the discharge and went back to northern Illinois pretty much knowing she wasn’t going to get back with me. But I guess in my head I had hoped we could get back together because I wanted my kids. But after I had gone back to Illinois I began to realize that I didn’t want my now ex-wife back. Right there, this was one of those life decision moments. I should have stood up right there and gone back into the Air Force. I could have been a more respectable ex-husband and dad than the process I chose of bouncing around the country. I had many jobs and knew many different ladies and friends but I should have been more stable and stayed in one place longer. I don’t know what I was running from most, my recent failures or was it because of being afraid of success.

The Lord has blessed me all of my life. I seldom if ever have been deserving of how kindly the Lord has treated me throughout these years I have been given. In my life I have always been blessed with someplace to lay my head and though I have never died from starvation (obviously), I have been blessed to know what hunger feels like.

I have never been one to run from work. That is probably one of my biggest faults, I worked my body into an early grave. When for decades in your life you have worked a normal work week of 100 plus hours per week this will destroy the chemistry of ones body, and of their mind. A body and a mind, even if they are not doing hard physical labor cannot work twelve to twenty hours a day seven days a week forever. Even if you are fortunate enough to never sustain a serious injury when you work yourself about 360 days a year. This is depression, you think sometimes that you don’t deserve a real life. This is what I felt I deserved, nothing. Depression, I think I grew up with it because of how my dad always chose to behave. The next biggest kick in the teeth is when I lost my two babies. But she and I neither one was anything but ignorant teenagers when she got pregnant and we got married.

Parents aren’t the end all of how a person grows up though. I was blessed with a fantastic mom, but dad not so good. I guess I got strike one from him, 21 and divorced, both kids taken away, strike two. Then through ignorance not going back into the Air Force, strike three. I let myself strike out, I gave up on life at 21 I guess.

When people think of “what if”, we must always remember the other side of a change. If I/we were able to change our direction at any point in our life the good things we have experienced in our lives and the path that we did choose, would have never happened.

There is also another unknown issue to be considered. Two years into my second marriage in July of 83 I went into the Army. This marriage was one of those loveless marriages in that she had absolutely zero love for me. I had decided that being that I really had no real marriage and that I still felt guilty for not having completed my previous military agreement, this is why I went in the Army. I felt I should serve at least one four-year hitch, this was the patriotic side of my brain talking. I figured we would probably stay married, mostly just in name only. This would keep her on the military insurance and I figured I would make the house payment for her but I wasn’t planning on doing anything else to help her hate-filled ass.

She was a non-practicing Jehovah’s Witness so she did not believe in military service. She told me just before I left for boot camp at Ft. Dix, NJ she said that “God will get you for this.” I started boot camp 7-18-83. At eighteen hundred on 8-11-83 while on a bivouac I was struck by lightning. Maybe she was right or maybe God just has a sense of humor but that did hurt a lot. After I cleared medical I was discharged in February 1984. I have a 40% service connected disability but in reality it physically destroyed my physical life.

The (other side) of the decisions of which I spoke earlier is simple. I could say if I hadn’t gone back into the military I wouldn’t have been hit by the lightning and I would have had a healthy adult life. Or if I had stayed in the Air Force when I was younger I would not have been at Ft. Dix that evening. But now think, I would have been in Desert Shield and Desert Storm. If what happened to me had not happened only God knows the results. I could have found the wrong end of a Republican Guards little grey pill.

Life is filled with what ifs, you know, none of it really matters. And really, it’s not worth wasting grey matter on. We are where we are, the things we did or did not do either good or bad we all have our own personal history. We all will one day answer for all these things at our own allotted time at the Lord’s Judgement Seat.

Do you remember the title of this post, more blessed than deserved? I have tried to be a good person almost all of my life and I have never been one to try to hurt people on purpose. Yet it seems to me that there aren’t all that many sins that I have not committed at one time or another. By no means have I ever been perfect, yet look at how kind the Lord has been to me. I have been married three times. The first was for two years, this is where I was blessed with my blood children, one boy and one girl. The second marriage was for eighteen horrible years! She had a son who was eleven when I married his mom. He is almost 48 now and I have always called him my son to this day and he knows that I love him. I am still married to my third wife for a little over 18 years now. She had a six-year-old son when we wed. He is 24 now and living on his own here in the town his mom and I live in.

So, the Lord has blessed me with four kids and also seven grand kids. I have a woman in my life now who actually loves me and treats me great. In March of 99, I had open heart surgery, that is where I learned that the lightning had literally fried all of my innards. At this time, March 99, the heart doctors told me that if I really behaved and if I was lucky that I might live for another three or four years. Friends, if I am granted seeing next month, that will be nineteen years ago.

So, blessed more than I deserved, yes I think so. Though I have known many types of pain I have lived through them, just like we all have. You here now, have your thoughts fluttered into your past as you have been reading this post? Friends we are all still here in this puzzle that is our lives. Let’s try to make the best of the position in life that we are at. Let us all try to look toward the blue sky moments and to shed the hailstones.

Just remember we are blessed just by being alive at this very moment in time. If at some point in our lives, if we have been able to go back and change it to avoid a painful event you know you and I are only humans, we do not always know what is best. Who knows if changing a point in time in our past in our new reality we could have ended up being one of Jeffery Dommer’s former ex-neighbors.