Humor Poem: Cats

Cats

 

4 Cats in the house, chaotic as that may sound

Mother-in-Law is scared of cats, doesn’t come around

2 Big ole males, 3 years apart, 2 different Breeds

Finally act like brothers, they don’t try to tear the house down

I used to have me some dogs but they have all disappeared

 

About two months ago we got a couple of kittens to raise

Been together since birth though different Mothers and Breeds

Finally the four are friends as together they romp and play

The kittens are Ladies or they would have been dead right away

Kittens are so tiny it is so much fun to sit and watch they play

 

 

Some Cultures believe that Cats are the Guardians of Hell

I can see why people think that by the way they eat their prey

No visitors ever come here twice with the cats out in the yard

Not with two Lions, one Tiger and a huge Black Panther on display

If we could just make it to our car, it would be we who run away

Humor Poem: At My Feet

Humor Poem: AT MY FEET

 

I am rich, my cabinets and closets are full

I have no needs my wallet is fat my belly full

All know my name and they wave as I pass

Banks call me, offering to me their petty games

My wife is in diamonds, my lady friends the same

 

I have my health, I am a genius in every possible way

With just a mere glance many a women do often faint

I own, I own, so off to work my petty puppets must go

Golf on the weekends and mornings, spa’s after noon

All kiss my ass and my ring to get to touch my feet

 

This world is my playground, I own many a woman and man

I have nothing more to wish for as I own all that I see

My wealth protects me, all the little people bow at my feet

How can this be, what the hell is this pain that I now feel

Light and white robes, you tell me to bow, surely you jest

 

This is all just a child’s story tell, for this can’t really be

I do protest, you put me in a line like I’m cattle or sheep

How dare you to tell me to be quiet and just wait my turn

I am the Top Card in The City and on Pennsylvania Way

Why is it so hot here, as I wait for them to bow at my feet?

 

(Humor Poem) You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me George And Bill

You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me George And Bill

 

You picked a fine time to leave me George and Bill

I got 40 acres of weed ready and waiting to be cycled

We still got eight big orders we gotta work to get filled

Got the eight ton for Willie and twenty ton more

That gotta git to Uncle Hillary and Aunt Billie to fill

 

I find you here at the Pink Feather drinking together

Under the next table I see Donald and Mikie romancing

Laid out on the dance floor twenty Republican Senators

This happens when they drink Jim Bean and Mr. Collins together

Guess love of liquor is why they don’t admit to sucking on weed

 

Without you George and Bill I got real big problems with those orders to fill

Two ATF Agents swinging in the basement, but what of their replacements

What if they won’t be bribed with Pink Teddie’s and a ton of medicinal Red Hair

Do I hang them in the closets with the Priests who brought their boy toys to preach

George and Bill, you can play righteous once we get this years crop out of the field

 

 

 

January 21st, 2021—Or maybe sooner—After The Impeachment

(I GOT THIS ONE FROM A FRIEND OF MINE ON FACEBOOK, THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THE IRONY AND THE HUMOR)(Bizarro.com/BizarroComics)

 

Coming soon!

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(Humor Poem) The Chicago Cub Fan

The Chicago Cub Fan

(WRITTEN OCTOBER 9TH OF 2013)

Indeed we are a special breed

A Cub fan learns a life of losing

Sadly this is quite true indeed

Age of ten years I became one ‘of them’

Not knowing that in my life span

They would probably never win

 

 

Bad ownership or bad managers

It never seems to matter much

On the road or at home they lose

Their following is always faithful

Across the street houses with a view

House tops filled with faithful fans

 

 

We all pay to watch another lose

We faithful stay till all out gone

When the dust has all cleared

Our Cubs find a way lose a twin

Wait till next year hangs in the air

The slogan the Cub fans sing again

(Humor Poem) La’ Pue

LA’ PUE

A skunk is just a kitty with a stripe up it’s back
The front end has the teeth yet the back-end, the attack
O’ Day perfume or O’ Day toilet, you find in the swanky stores
Give your date all natural Skunk Oil, you, she’ll never forget
Give her a kitty with its own perfume bag, a guaranteed success
Granny Clampett was said to have a great road kill stew
Elvira made a soup that was rumored to be able to eat you
Crockett and Boone wore skin hats with a decorative tail
You ever seen a coat with a white stripe up it’s back
Ever been served a meal where your teeth pulled themselves
See them roll down the hall like Chiclets to escape the smell
Beware when you see one of these kitty’s raise their tail
Don’t stand and watch the show, you’ll find it’s not a salute
You may think you are starved and would do anything for a meal
Do yourself a great favor, stay away from their southern end
Even a wolf or a grizzly sees their tail up in the air, they know to spin
Better to dream of maggot grits or even cow pie and pig knuckle stew
One bite and you’ll learn why the French call this kitty, Pepe La’ Pue

(Humor Poem) The Apple (Granny’s Dark Side)

THE APPLE (GRANNY’S DARK SIDE)

 

 

Was it given by Eve

Did it make us all die

Is it now baked in Hell’s ovens

Do the Demons enjoy a tart pie

Are you really the apple of your Granny’s eye

 

Thanksgiving meal or 4th of July pie

Tempered with arsenic or cyanide dye

Grandma Eve, your Grandpa long ago died

Little children be careful what you eat

If Granny’s got burning embers in her eyes

 

Will an apple a day really keep evil away

Depends on the cook and if today is your day

Little green apples turn the bowels into knots

Red rotten baked with dead worms in the crust

Granny turned all the little monsters back into dust!

(Attempt At Humor) My Favorite Kitty Cat Done Packed Her Bags And Left

 

This note is to Ms. Oreo’s wicked Step-Mom who would torture her when I wasn’t home by such cruel measures as tuna deprivation. You’re the reason she packed her bag, hopped the first Freight-shaker with a kitty-cat purr, Hollywood bound. I hear she married a cat named Garfickle when she got settled in, it’s said they met on a casting couch, how purr-fect I guess. Heard things were going great until she smelled some of her tuna on his breath. They buried him three days ago. Now she’s got her twenty-two pounds east bound and down running from the fuzz…

(Humor Poem) Just Shut Up

JUST SHUT UP

 

Please be quiet doesn’t always work

If we do speak up, now we’re the jerk

Kindness is just a moral fantasy these days

Why should the world be quiet for you or me

So much racket makes our eardrums blow up

 

Married to a spouse who lies so smooth and well

Derriere in the air but not for the likes of you

Careful what you pray for if you want a pretty little flirt

Their dirty little minds will get you planted in the dirt

The heart says stay but the brain says shut up and leave

 

First time was a hoe, second time you swear you married a witch

Follow you around like a snake, with their fangs in your face

O the hate filled games these villains learn and love to play

If they show you any kindness it is because you paid and paid

Your weary heart wants to scream, just shut up and go away

 

Lying to you and the Preacher saying they will when they know they won’t

Two times brought you Hell on Earth, are we dumb enough to try for a third

When you see her smile it’s just because she is planning her next diabolical scheme

Two Spouses who loved to cheat and both wishing you were dead so why try for three

Some times its best to just shut up, learn to say no, and don’t listen to your jeans

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Humor Poem) Give Me Gold

GIVE ME GOLD

 

If Gold is our God, we shall never be in want

Gold always lets us lay down in pure pleasures

Gold floats us upon Lillie Pads in Crystal Waters

Gold always lets us shop in all the most Chic of places

Gold restores the fortunes of the weak, for its own name sake

 

Even though we are welcome in the finest of Casinos and Royal Houses

We have nothing to fear with our linens threads of pure Gold to lay upon

Our Stocks, our Bonds, our Secure Boxes filled with Gold, it comfort us

Nothing like Gold to make our enemies to bow at our table if they want to eat

Gold Chalices anoint our hands, because of gold, we live a life that over flows

 

Purely Nature itself gives Her blessings to us, as long as we are well supplied in Gold

All the days of our lives we deserve to live in pure luxury, we have the power of Gold

If we wish we can live in mansions made of pure Gold, after all, aren’t we Demigods

Gold is our strength, why would anyone pity week-minded, the poor, the old, leaches

Gold is Eternal, if there is a God, we will put him in his place with a bribe a bit later