January 21st, 2021—Or maybe sooner—After The Impeachment

(I GOT THIS ONE FROM A FRIEND OF MINE ON FACEBOOK, THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THE IRONY AND THE HUMOR)(Bizarro.com/BizarroComics)

 

Coming soon!

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(Humor Poem) The Chicago Cub Fan

The Chicago Cub Fan

(WRITTEN OCTOBER 9TH OF 2013)

Indeed we are a special breed

A Cub fan learns a life of losing

Sadly this is quite true indeed

Age of ten years I became one ‘of them’

Not knowing that in my life span

They would probably never win

 

 

Bad ownership or bad managers

It never seems to matter much

On the road or at home they lose

Their following is always faithful

Across the street houses with a view

House tops filled with faithful fans

 

 

We all pay to watch another lose

We faithful stay till all out gone

When the dust has all cleared

Our Cubs find a way lose a twin

Wait till next year hangs in the air

The slogan the Cub fans sing again

(Humor Poem) La’ Pue

LA’ PUE

A skunk is just a kitty with a stripe up it’s back
The front end has the teeth yet the back-end, the attack
O’ Day perfume or O’ Day toilet, you find in the swanky stores
Give your date all natural Skunk Oil, you, she’ll never forget
Give her a kitty with its own perfume bag, a guaranteed success
Granny Clampett was said to have a great road kill stew
Elvira made a soup that was rumored to be able to eat you
Crockett and Boone wore skin hats with a decorative tail
You ever seen a coat with a white stripe up it’s back
Ever been served a meal where your teeth pulled themselves
See them roll down the hall like Chiclets to escape the smell
Beware when you see one of these kitty’s raise their tail
Don’t stand and watch the show, you’ll find it’s not a salute
You may think you are starved and would do anything for a meal
Do yourself a great favor, stay away from their southern end
Even a wolf or a grizzly sees their tail up in the air, they know to spin
Better to dream of maggot grits or even cow pie and pig knuckle stew
One bite and you’ll learn why the French call this kitty, Pepe La’ Pue

(Humor Poem) The Apple (Granny’s Dark Side)

THE APPLE (GRANNY’S DARK SIDE)

 

 

Was it given by Eve

Did it make us all die

Is it now baked in Hell’s ovens

Do the Demons enjoy a tart pie

Are you really the apple of your Granny’s eye

 

Thanksgiving meal or 4th of July pie

Tempered with arsenic or cyanide dye

Grandma Eve, your Grandpa long ago died

Little children be careful what you eat

If Granny’s got burning embers in her eyes

 

Will an apple a day really keep evil away

Depends on the cook and if today is your day

Little green apples turn the bowels into knots

Red rotten baked with dead worms in the crust

Granny turned all the little monsters back into dust!

(Attempt At Humor) My Favorite Kitty Cat Done Packed Her Bags And Left

 

This note is to Ms. Oreo’s wicked Step-Mom who would torture her when I wasn’t home by such cruel measures as tuna deprivation. You’re the reason she packed her bag, hopped the first Freight-shaker with a kitty-cat purr, Hollywood bound. I hear she married a cat named Garfickle when she got settled in, it’s said they met on a casting couch, how purr-fect I guess. Heard things were going great until she smelled some of her tuna on his breath. They buried him three days ago. Now she’s got her twenty-two pounds east bound and down running from the fuzz…

(Humor Poem) Just Shut Up

JUST SHUT UP

 

Please be quiet doesn’t always work

If we do speak up, now we’re the jerk

Kindness is just a moral fantasy these days

Why should the world be quiet for you or me

So much racket makes our eardrums blow up

 

Married to a spouse who lies so smooth and well

Derriere in the air but not for the likes of you

Careful what you pray for if you want a pretty little flirt

Their dirty little minds will get you planted in the dirt

The heart says stay but the brain says shut up and leave

 

First time was a hoe, second time you swear you married a witch

Follow you around like a snake, with their fangs in your face

O the hate filled games these villains learn and love to play

If they show you any kindness it is because you paid and paid

Your weary heart wants to scream, just shut up and go away

 

Lying to you and the Preacher saying they will when they know they won’t

Two times brought you Hell on Earth, are we dumb enough to try for a third

When you see her smile it’s just because she is planning her next diabolical scheme

Two Spouses who loved to cheat and both wishing you were dead so why try for three

Some times its best to just shut up, learn to say no, and don’t listen to your jeans

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Humor Poem) Give Me Gold

GIVE ME GOLD

 

If Gold is our God, we shall never be in want

Gold always lets us lay down in pure pleasures

Gold floats us upon Lillie Pads in Crystal Waters

Gold always lets us shop in all the most Chic of places

Gold restores the fortunes of the weak, for its own name sake

 

Even though we are welcome in the finest of Casinos and Royal Houses

We have nothing to fear with our linens threads of pure Gold to lay upon

Our Stocks, our Bonds, our Secure Boxes filled with Gold, it comfort us

Nothing like Gold to make our enemies to bow at our table if they want to eat

Gold Chalices anoint our hands, because of gold, we live a life that over flows

 

Purely Nature itself gives Her blessings to us, as long as we are well supplied in Gold

All the days of our lives we deserve to live in pure luxury, we have the power of Gold

If we wish we can live in mansions made of pure Gold, after all, aren’t we Demigods

Gold is our strength, why would anyone pity week-minded, the poor, the old, leaches

Gold is Eternal, if there is a God, we will put him in his place with a bribe a bit later

 

 

(Humor Poem) The Wrath Of The Grapes

THE WRATH OF THE GRAPES

 

O the sweetness of the vines do delight so many

The sensual aroma to the palate of some, divine

Sensual tingling dancing on the brain and tongue

Wake up married to the Bar Maid, three-step kids

 

O for the days of Andre and his Cold Ducks dark wine

Ever get accidentally drunk on your favorite tasty delight

Mind knows where you are going just the body wont, it’s numb

Throne out of reach now gotta clean the bath tub with bleach

How odd, since then all Wine and Champagne totally stink

 

The gift of the Wine is a gift from our Creator above us

For it is to many a soothing tasty treat this fruit of the vine

Drink responsibility like an adult all of the time, that’s no crime

Think of your Grandpa dying alone drunk face down in a ditch

Everything on the Planet could control us, just a matter of wills

 

Gluttony is a sin whether it is of cash, food, or Red or White Wine

Good for the belly the Red Wine helps ones digestion flow quickly

Let us all pretend we have a brain, give the keys up for the night

Enjoy your favorite squeeze while your meal cleans the bladder outright

 

 

(Humor Poem) Donald ‘Jailhouse’ Trump

DONALD ‘JAILHOUSE’ TRUMP

 

Pennsylvania Avenue is used to being paved with lies

But it ain’t seen nothing like this frauds Turkey Jive

He’s got a Pinocchio nose and those tiny little hands

Couldn’t find the truth if he was grabbing with both hands

Got that Turkey Gobble neck and that big wide behind

 

Molestual Congress and the Clinton’s ain’t got nothing on him

Coward refused to wear the Uniform, now he’s in charge of them

Was his Daddy a Goose stepper or only the head of the NYC Klan

He’s just a ‘robbing hood’ except all the stolen money goes to him

Career of stealing from Charity’s and investors, all the same to him

 

Presidents Putin and Jinping playing this clucking Moron like a clown

Maybe he can teach Russian to the Guards when he’s Leavenworth bound

Alphabet Soup is getting tired of his mouth and his little Tweety brain

Will habitual lying and destruction of justice be where he will gain his fame

Deserving end, Donald, Hillary and Sessions doing life in the same jail cell

 

(Humor Poem) Being “Almost 59”

BEING ALMOST 59

 

59 Sips of Champagne, not in my life time

Crystal never held, a wine Goblet in my hand

59 Sips of Tequila, fun in dreamland sublime

First time you ever kissed a woman this age

59 Ladies whose lips you have been blessed to kiss

Walking blind, kindness still shines, Hell or Bliss

59 Sun ups, really, would we even be missed, ever

Each day our Brain scrambles, searching for why

 

59 seconds, A date with warp speed, that slaps our face

59 Days or years to love, left to hug loved ones once again

Are we ever thankful for the breath that we now breathe

59 I love you’s from the hearts of our children, priceless

59 Ticks of the clock, but is it Man’s or God’s timepiece

 

Is our Heart, Mind and Soul, in Communion with the Lord’s goals

59 points, your stock is down, does the dollar control your ticker

59, Live or die, are our lives just pieces of some Cosmic unseen Pie

59 Calm your heart, it’s just a silly number, unless we wake up dead