Failures As A Dad, My Dad’s Mistakes And My Own Mistakes As A Dad


Failures As A Dad, My Dad’s Mistakes And My Own Mistakes As A Dad

 

To put it kindly my Dad was a horrible Dad. He had many flaws as I myself also have. Probably the main thing that I learned from my Dad was that I did not want to be anything like him at all. I wish I could think of some good things to say about him but if I did, I would be lying to you. He died in December of 1993 when I was 37 years old. It took about four more years after his death for me to be able to forgive him and even then I had to realize two truths about him before I was able to forgive him. First I had to come to the realization that yes, he was an asshole, but, that he was also mentally ill his whole life. There was also the reality that he himself as the youngest of seven was orphaned at an early age back during the 1930’s depression era and that he had been farmed out to work on other peoples farms. Did his childhood mess him up mentally, probably. Was all the blame on others for the person he became, no. His crimes both physically and mentally were his own decisions just as ours are to this day.  The main thing is that I am glad that I was eventually able to forgive him for his many sins toward me and our family. But, there is no way to be able to forget how I/we were treated by him, there was no excuse for it except that as a person, he chose to be a total asshole. It’s called forgive but not forget is the best way to describe it.

 

Now, my sins as a Dad, or the pure lack of being one. I have raised two young boys into being grown men whom did not come from my own seed and I am very pleased with both of them, one is now in his 40’s and the other is in his mid twenties, in fact today is his 26th birthday. I know that I made some mistakes with both of them but they were honest mistakes from lack of knowledge on how to be a dad being that in reality, I had always wished that he had never been in our lives. I had always thought it better to be vacant than to be a hate filled ass. When I got married the first time I was 18 and she was 5 months pregnant with our first of two children. My two blood kids were one year and 9 days apart and when the second child was 7 months old she left me while I was in the military in Beloxi Mississippi. She had her faults but she is the Mother of my two blood children so I refuse to bash her now in print. I got out of the Service way early to try to get my family back but that was a total failure. She was young and wild and wanted her freedom so she ended up having her Mom and Dad raise our two children. I was not there for them from November of 82 through September of 88, and that was my fault. I have been trying to make up for that huge mistake unto this very day. I know that I have not been forgiven by either of them. Because I had such a horrible Dad I did not realize the damage that I had let occur from my absence. My only real excuse was stupidity. There are others that I could try to lay blame on but in reality, it was my own stupidity, my fault.

 

For the most part I have enjoyed trying to raise the two young men that I have yet at the same time I will always grieve for what I lost, the hearts of my blood Daughter and my blood Son. Sometimes broken hearts can not be mended. Yet I have learned that it is a difficult thing to forgive one’s own self for their own sins, their own mistakes. Some hurts just don’t heal, some you will end up taking with you to your grave. So, I ask you please, do not make mistakes with your children, step or blood, that you can never recover from. With children always think before you react, you may not be able to get that mistake back.

5 thoughts on “Failures As A Dad, My Dad’s Mistakes And My Own Mistakes As A Dad

  1. I’m always glad when people realize their mistakes. I am also glad when I realize my own mistakes. At least you’re trying, as a dad, and you know my faults. My dad, well.. still prideful he is, and doesn’t want to admit any of his mistakes ( ‘-‘)

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    1. So often kids, even adult kids are still hurt by parental coldness or hatefulness, a sad truth. I guess the most folks can do is to try to not make those same mistakes or others. Milly, thank you for taking of your time to read the article and for taking the time to comment. I really do appreciate you.—ted

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  2. My son turned 18 this morning. It’s a responsibility for sure. The thing is your Dad is no longer here. You are. You tried with your kids and did your best both times. With hindsight comes wisdom. Your kids too will come to realization of your efforts and i pray it will be sooner than later for all of you.
    Stay strong, Stand proud, you are only human and from your mistakes, a better one for it. Chin up, you got this. I send warm regards from Sunshiny South Africa 🌍.

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    1. Thank you for your kindness Ma’am, I appreciate you very much. You see, with a title like truthtroubles I try to show by example that even if it is personal, even if it hurts, that I am always truthful with the folks who read what I write. I believe that for something to be truthful it must be 100% truth, not a partial truth and as most all folks know, the truth often has hurt within it. Thank you very much for reading the article and for taking of your time to comment.—ted

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      1. Hi Ted.
        In my posts, I sometimes share too much but I’m honest and real about life. I’m glad I read your Truth Troubles. It’s when we embrace the troubles and get really honest to work through issues that we are on the road to recovery. 🙏

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